I know that sounds kind of pompous so I’ll explain.
Up until a few years ago my most predominant self-talk was judgmental and pretty cruel. I could hold space for everyone else. I could find love and compassion for everyone else’s imperfections but not my own.
The voice inside my head that spoke to me was a real bitch. She constantly reminded me that I was not good enough, that I didn’t measure up and that I should remain silent.
I’ve silenced her (for the most part) with kindness.
I realized that she hollered loud and clear because she was terrified. She was scared that I’d get judged in the real world, scared that I would get rejected and deep down she was probably terrified of not being loved.
It has been a slow journey but through self-care, acceptance and stillness, I’ve started hearing other voices. They are subtle and feel more like a chorus. They often don’t even use words. I can sense that they are speaking to me when my heart swells, when I soften a little and when I get a gut feeling.
The big loud obnoxious NO’s are being replaced with delightful openings and soft yeses or ah-ha moments.
So yes, I’m thankful for me. I’m so glad that I take the time to tune in through meditation, walks in the woods, through art making and journaling. I’m grateful for taking time to care for my body, my spirit and my being.
One of the greatest gifts from learning to listen is that my outer world has become a mirror, a reflection of my inner world. I am so blessed in so many ways. It is not to say that I don’t feel or experience negativity but I have tools to help ride through it. I have my inner choir that chants and sings and lifts me back up. And you know, I’ve learned to welcome the bitch into the choir. She is kind of loud and sometimes sings off key but I think secretly, she’s happy to be accepted.
Take sweet care of yourself. Remember to take a moment to thank yourself because all that lay out in front of you are a reflection of your inner cheer team! Send love and compassion to your meany voice, she or he is there for a reason. And in the meantime, it’s fun to imagine how life will unfold if we take a little more time to listen to the choir within.
My inner world on canvas:
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