What are you afraid of?
Me? snakes (well, duh), bears (yup, in most of my nightmares), mice, failure and it turns out I’m also afraid of success, being judged, not being liked by everyone, rejection, not making any money and then not making enough money and then running out of money, the dentist, handstands (and I’m a yoga teacher), needles, heights, being late, missing the boat (both figuratively and if you live on the Coast, literally), dying, singing in public, public speaking, losing, wearing bright colours, dancing with out being at least slightly inebriated, being vulnerable, looking like a fool, going back to school, reaching out to help a stranger, traveling where other people don’t speak English (albeit difficult to do these days), rocking the boat, making a ruckus, standing out, being still, sharing, bungee jumping , diving (big one for me, head first just doesn’t make sense), speaking up . . .
Chances are you nodded to at least one of these on my list and I’m just getting started.
Why do we pretend that we are not scared?
Are we collectively afraid of living? Or maybe it’s just me.
I’m getting a little tired of being scared, how about you?
I’ll hold your hand if you hold mine.
When I do something or face something on my list, I feel lighter, freer, I move more easily, the day, the week, the next obstacle looks a bit easier.
I practice handstands. They used to make my hands sweat and my heart pound and even though I’m still a little bit scared, I’ve come accustomed to being slightly uncomfortable. The fear is there but it has faded.
Perhaps facing that fear and being O.K. in “uncomfortable” lead me to singing.
I sang. Yup, in front of an amazing singer, (Katherine Penfold no less) and at a party during a jam session. I’ll keep practicing.
I tried aerial silks with my daughters, not quite bungee jumping but it involves – being upside down, being suspended in the air and quite a bit of spinning. Scary and I felt like I was going to vomit at times.
I share my paintings now, even some that I’m still working on! It still scares me a little bit but not like a few years ago, when hanging a show, I felt again, like vomiting.
Is there something on your list that you could take on?
Perhaps just a little one?
I’ll acknowledge that you are freaked out just like me, now let’s move on, together. LIVE with me.
And please, come visit me, if you can, during any of my art openings, I’ll appreciate your friendly face (it will feel like you are holding my hand).
p.s. I was afraid to hit “publish.”